


distance makes the heart grow fonder, said by someone stronger than me

by GirlFromTheRing



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Crying, Cuddles, Established Relationship, Feelings, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Kissing, M/M, Sad, They'll be okay, did i mention sad, soft, they're going to different colleges
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:15:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23558962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GirlFromTheRing/pseuds/GirlFromTheRing
Summary: Oikawa and Iwaizumi won't see each other for a while. They don't know how to handle it.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 14
Kudos: 99
Collections: My favorite haikyuu fics





	distance makes the heart grow fonder, said by someone stronger than me

**Author's Note:**

> hello hi i know i should work on newton's second law but i was struck w inspiration so! enjoy sad iwaoi i miss these two :( 
> 
> title inspired by Troye Sivan's DKLA
> 
> this isn't beta read, i'll try and do that soon

Iwaizumi’s leaving. Oikawa knew this was coming, and as much as he mentally prepared himself for it, he wasn’t ready. They were going their separate ways, Iwaizumi to Tokyo and Oikawa to Kyoto -- it wasn’t like he was moving out of country -- but a part of Oikawa felt like they would never be the same. He knew they would never be the same.

When he touches Iwaizumi, his hands linger too long to be considered casual. He’s trying to memorise every inch of him, something Oikawa never had to do before, because his Iwa-chan was always there, a class or a house away, never farther than that -- and even if he was, Oikawa knew he’d be back, and back soon. Now, he wasn’t so sure.

To Oikawa, Iwaizumi’s doing the same. His kisses are drawn out and vulnerable, Oikawa can feel Iwaizumi through them, he can understand what the other’s saying loud and clear. This connection they have, forged from childhood, is sometimes a curse. Oikawa knows Iwaizumi feels the same yet he can’t -- it doesn’t make him feel better. It hurts more.

There’s a certain sadness to the way Iwaizumi places his hands on Oikawa’s waist. He’s holding on tight, firm yet gentle, balancing everything inside him. It’s too much, he knows. He could burst with how much he’s feeling, how much he wants to tell Oikawa, show him, but he can’t let it out. He doesn’t want to ruin this, right now. 

Oikawa kisses back feverently, juxtaposing Iwaizumi, who’s trying to take his time. They stumble, Oikawa pushing back too much and Iwaizumi holding onto him so tight -- and Oikawa steps back, not letting go of Iwa-chan, it’s a mess. They’re unusually uncoordinated and clumsy. They’ve always been sure in this relationship, always had a steady grip on one another -- physically and not. Now it’s twisted, tossed and turned, they’re back to the basics. They’re back to figuring things out instead of going with the flow. It’s like getting to know each other again except they know they have to let go.

It’s Iwaizumi who guides Oikawa, takes his hands and steadies him. He’s shaking, Oikawa knows, he wants to cry but doesn’t want Iwa-chan to see his tears. He wants to hold Iwa-chan without feeling like he’s going to be snatched away for him, like he’s going to wake up and Iwa-chan won’t be there.

He doesn’t look up to meet Iwaizumi’s gaze, only follows him when Iwaizumi leads them a few steps away to his bed. 

Oikawa’s slept over more times than he can remember. He’s grown up sleeping on that bed as much as Iwaizumi has slept on his, he knows where to find his blanket, left corner of the drawer on the right, he knows where to find the spare toothbrushes because he always forgets to bring his own and it’s all so familiar. It’s like his second home, and he knows wherever Iwa-chan will go will be his second home, too. Wherever Oikawa goes will be Iwaizumi’s second home, too.

He closes his eyes and kisses Iwaizumi again, slowly, and Iwaizumi pushes forward as if to match Oikawa’s previous pace. They’re mismatched again, and Oikawa can’t get it across that they can do whatever Iwa-chan likes, he’d be happy to just hold him. 

“Iwa-chan-”

“Oika-”

They pause, Oikawa looks up.

“I’ll just-”

“Let me-”

Iwa-chan smiles at him, then, and it feels like the sun has risen behind him. 

(It’s evening.)

Oikawa smiles back, drops his head to Iwaizumi’s chest and keeps it there.

“Tell me what you want to do, Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi’s fingers are in Oikawa’s hair now, he runs them through the coarse strands and tugs lightly, then settles on his scalp. Oikawa hums.

“I’m happy with whatever you want to do, Tooru.”

“Ah, Iwa-chan,” he sighs. “So selfless, my Iwa-chan.”

“Hm,” Iwaizumi replies. Oikawa’s arms wrap around him and pull him close, and Iwaizumi’s nails scratch against Oikawa’s scalp -- he’s always liked that. Iwaizumi knows this. 

“Hold me.”

“I am holding you, Tooru.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I do.”

Iwaizumi nudges Oikawa and he lets go, only to be invited back in Iwa-chan’s arms when he’s thrown himself on his bed. Oikawa fits himself against Iwaizumi, tucks his head under his chin, tangles their legs, gets comfortable. Iwaizumi holds him carefully, slides his hands under Oikawa’s t-shirt and rests them on his back. He’s tempted to trace Oikawa’s name and maybe an ‘I love you’. He doesn’t.

“Iwa-chan, I don’t want to go.” 

Iwaizumi returns the sentiment. He sighs, pulls Oikawa closer, if that’s possible. “I don’t want to go, either.”

“Why didn’t we -- why couldn’t we go to the same college, Iwa-chan?”

He’s asked this question before, and he’s got an answer before, and he doesn’t want to hear that answer right now. Iwaizumi doesn’t answer him.

Instead, he asks, “Can I kiss you, Tooru?”

“Of course, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa mumbles into Iwaizumi’s t-shirt, then leans up to meet his lips. It’s slow, they’re both on the same page, good, Oikawa quivers. Iwaizumi strokes his jaw with one hand, and that grounds Oikawa. He relaxes into the kiss -- it’s more languid now, tender, there’s no rush. For now, they have time. 

So Oikawa breaks the kiss and exhales on Iwaizumi’s mouth, then kisses him again, with more intent. He’s pushing him back and Iwaizumi’s tilting his head so that Oikawa can kiss him how he likes. This is familiar, something they can do almost without thinking, a language they’ve spoken too many times to forget, and the last thing either of them want is to forget. 

Iwaizumi tugs on the hem of Oikawa’s t-shirt. This means, more. So Oikawa detangles their legs and pulls away, flips Iwaizumi to his back. He’s straddling him, then, and leaning down to kiss him. Iwaizumi finds purchase in Oikawa’s hair and tugs at his locks. This means, closer. So Oikawa lays himself atop Iwaizumi, intertwines their fingers as he kisses him, deep. Iwaizumi hums at the back of his throat and Oikawa can feel it in his own. 

When Iwaizumi had first kissed Oikawa, it had been slightly awkward. The few people both of them had been with in the past were also awkward at first, but never like this. If they were awkward, they were awkward together. Everything they did, they were in it together. It took them time to explore each other’s preferences and tells, to know what not to do and what to definitely do, when to not do what. They’d made mistakes along the way, had hurt each other and patched things up, whispered apologies into the other’s skin when holding them. It took them time, but they learned, and they did it together. 

Now, when they part, they will do it together, too. 

Iwaizumi holds Oikawa’s waist with reverence, delicately, not afraid to hold too tight but resisting. He says his name with reverence, too, like he won’t get to say it like this again.

“Iwa-chan, don’t be like that.”

It takes Iwaizumi a moment to understand what Oikawa’s referring to.

“I thought I’d, uh, be a little gentle.”

He looks embarrassed, and Oikawa cracks a smile. 

“Be the usual, Iwa-chan.”

So Iwaizumi does. He flips them over, kisses down Oikawa’s neck, mouths at his Adam’s apple and nibbles at the top of his ear. He kisses up from his collarbone to his mouth, kisses him as openly as he can. He’s trying his hardest to convey just how much he’s going to miss this, miss Oikawa, miss their closeness. Of course -- they’d still be in touch, but long-distance will hurt when they’ve grown up next to each other.

Oikawa gets it, though. He responds with the same urgency as Iwaizumi, the same enthusiasm, and when Iwaizumi smooths his hands on Oikawa’s stomach he almost forgets that there’s something wrong. 

“Can you remove your t-shirt?”

“Yes,” Oikawa breathes out, nodding his head at Iwaizumi. “You too?”

“I will.”

There are fingers tracing his biceps now, and Oikawa flexes for good measure. Iwaizumi laughs into his collarbone. His smile is still on his lips as he turns his head to a side to nuzzle his cheek against Oikawa’s chest. 

“You’re so fucking cute, Tooru.”

“What is it with you using my name today?” 

And the moment snaps. 

“I won’t get to say it to you for a while, and I’ve used your other names too much.”

There’s a furrow in Iwaizumi’s brow that Oikawa presses his fingers down to smoothen. 

“If you think about it, you haven’t called me Shittykawa or Trashykawa in a while.”

Iwaizumi’s small smile blooms, and he hums. “You’ve noticed.”

“Yes, Iwa-chan.”

“I don’t know why I expected you to not. Are you going to do the same?”

“Please, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa rolls his eyes. “We both know you love the nickname more than you let on.”

“That’s true, that’s true…” 

He trails off. Oikawa can feel his inhales and exhales on his skin, warm, then cool. It’s comforting. Then Iwa-chan starts mouthing on the skin there, and Oikawa shudders. Fuck, Iwaizumi’s good with his mouth.

“Iwa-chan,” It comes out more breathy than Oikawa intended, and he’s slightly embarrassed about it, but continues nonetheless. “Iwa-chan, a little lower.”

Iwaizumi listens, like he always does, and obeys. It’s too close to Oikawa’s neck, and if he wants to wear his usual t-shirts, he’d need to cover it up with make-up. There was a time Oikawa would accept any and every mark of Iwaizumi’s mouth on his body, but for his family’s sake after that one morning, they’d decided it was best to keep it hidden.

Oikawa tugs at Iwaizumi’s hands, urging him to hold Oikawa rather than hold him down, and in doing so Iwaizumi’s biting turns to kisses, and kisses trail up to his mouth. They’re in a familiar position now, Iwaizumi above Oikawa, both his arms looped around his waist, one of his legs lodged between Oikawa’s legs. Oikawa has one of his hands in Iwaiumi’s hair and the other splayed on his back as he tries to pull him as close as he can. 

There’s one kiss that breaks Oikawa, one so raw and uncovered that he feels like Iwaizumi went to the depths of his soul and pulled out every bundled-up emotion he was feeling and spread it bare for Oikawa to see. He pulls away too fast, his hands gently pushing back on Iwaizumi’s shoulders, as Iwaizumi catches his breath.

“Tooru?”

That’s the last straw, Oikawa thinks, as he lets the tears fall from his eyes. Fuck, he’s not ready for this. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be.

Iwaizumi simply looks at him for a few seconds before kissing away his tears, wiping them with his fingers and holding Oikawa’s face. 

“It’ll all be okay, love,” he tells him. This hurts Oikawa more, and now he can’t help the onslaught of tears that greet Iwaizumi’s bedcovers. 

Still, Iwa-chan holds him, he tucks Oikawa against him like he’s protecting him and strokes his hair. Once he’s more calmed down, Iwaizumi tells him, “I’m not letting this go so easily.”

Oikawa nods, because he can’t trust himself to speak. 

He wants to say, “Thank for being strong for me, Hajime.” He doesn’t.

He hopes Iwa-chan hears it, anyway.

Oikawa leans up to drop a kiss on Iwaizumi’s nose, and Iwaizumi closes his eyes. Oikawa knows he’s trying to hold back what he’s feeling. There’s no way he can get through to Iwa-chan by simply thinking it, regardless of how well they know each other.

“You’ve been strong for me, Hajime. Give yourself a break.”

Words always work with Iwaizumi. 

He sighs, rests his chin on the crown of Oikawa’s head. “I don’t want you to see me cry.”

“Then I’ll keep my eyes closed.”

“Tooru…” Iwaizumi huffs a hollow laugh. 

“Please, Iwa-chan. Let yourself have this.”

“Okay,” he tells Oikawa, softly. He clears his throat. “Okay,” he says, louder.

Iwaizumi doesn’t cry immediately. He sniffs, like he’s holding back, then sobs and covers his mouth with the hand that was on Oikawa’s back. Oikawa kisses his nape, gently, as if to say, it’s okay.

It’s okay.

Iwaizumi cries, he lets his tears fall onto Oikawa’s back and for the second time, his bedcovers are greeted with them.

“Just let it go, Iwa-chan.”

So he does. Holding Oikawa, he lets everything out, the frustration from the past few months, the fact that they won’t be seeing each other for an indefinite amount of time, that they’re going to be so far apart -- it stings. It burns. It hurts. 

And there’s nothing they can do about it.

When Iwaizumi lets out his last sob, he grips Oikawa with love, fierce, pure, and unrivalled. He won’t let him go so easily. 

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa whispers. “Kiss me again.” 

Iwaizumi nods, tugs on Oikawa’s hair to get him to tilt his head back. Then, he kisses him, lighter. Like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders. There’s still the underlined desperation, but Oikawa assumes Iwa-chan feels better now, and that’s all he’s wanted. 

“Don’t,” Iwaizumi starts, and cuts himself off. Oikawa kisses him, softly. “Don’t forget about me.”

“Iwa-chan.”

Oikawa’s scared, does Iwaizumi really feel that way? Does he really think Oikawa will forget the one constant in his short life? 

“Iwa-chan. Look at me.” 

Iwaizumi doesn’t, he closes his eyes and drops his forehead to line with Oikawa’s, and shakily exhales. 

“Hey,” Oikawa says, framing Iwaizumi’s face in his hands. “I’m not letting you forget about me.”

“Oikawa, don’t.”

“Yes, I won’t, I’ll call you-”

“Oikawa.”

“Yes?”

Iwaizumi finally looks at him. “Don’t tell me these things, I already know. Just let me speak.”

“Okay,” Oikawa whispers, and Iwaizumi nods, and Oikawa hides his face under Iwaizumi’s chin.

“I don’t want you to be so out of touch. I feel like you’re going to find other people who are more like you and who, you know, understand you better. Fifteen years and I really can’t figure you out sometimes, Tooru. It feels like-” Iwaizumi exhales here, then continues, shakily. “It feels like you’ll find someone who fits you, who doesn’t insult you all the time and doesn’t hurt you by saying things they don’t mean and knows how to comfort you and can -- I can’t keep up with you sometimes, Tooru. You’re so much and I’m just, there. Maybe this only worked out because we were close but now that we’re not -- I’m scared. I don’t want to lose you.”

It comes out more jumbled than Iwaizumi intended, but he got the message across, and he’s sure Oikawa understands.

Oikawa tightens his grip on him. “Can I say something?”

“Of course,” Iwaizumi replies.

“I’ve been in love with you for six years, I don’t think anyone else can match up, Iwa-chan. I know you don’t want reassurance but… no one could mean what you mean to me. No one.”

He feels Iwaizumi nod. “Okay, Iwa-chan?”

“Okay.”

“Good boy,” Oikawa tells him, and Iwaizumi’s pulling his hair back to kiss him. This one is messier, more like Iwaizumi’s trying to take as much of Oikawa as he can before he’s gone. 

“Are you-” Iwazumi breaks away, and Oikawa chases his lips. “Are you staying the night?”

“Of course, Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi smiles, turns Oikawa to his back, and kisses his shoulder. “Good.”

\---

Oikawa wakes up to warmth. Iwaizumi’s wrapped himself around Oikawa like some koala and it’s a bit suffocating, so he gently pushes Iwaizumi away and settles on his chest.

He hasn’t woken up yet.

It’s normal, Oikawa knows, that he wakes up first and runs his fingers through Iwaizumi’s hair and drops butterfly kisses on him as he stirs awake. Today, Oikawa just looks. 

He won’t get to do that, for a while. 

He thinks about everything Iwaizumi told him last night. He’s upset that he feels that way, like Iwaizumi is just some person to Oikawa who won’t make a difference, like he’s someone so easily replaceable. He can’t tell Iwaizumi that he’s wrong, though, because it won’t convince him. He’ll have to prove it.

Oikawa will fucking prove it. 

“Don’t do that.”

There’s a limp hand waving in Oikawa’s face, and he snaps out of it.

“What?” 

“You’re giving me a look, it’s making me nervous.”

Iwaizumi’s words are muffled and half-formed, but Oikawa understands perfectly. 

“Not nervous, really,” Iwaizumi clears his throat and opens his eyes. He looks at Oikawa. “Just uneasy.”

“Good morning,” Oikawa cradles his face in the palm of his hand. Iwaizumi kisses his fingers. 

“Good morning,” he replies.

“Slept well?”

Iwaizumi hums in response, his fingers blindly searching for Oikawa’s. “Come here.”

So Oikawa does, closes the distance between them and nestles himself in Iwaizumi’s inviting arms.

“Five more minutes,” Iwaizumi tells him.

“Whatever you want, Hajime.”

Oikawa closes his eyes and savours it. He doesn’t know when he’ll get this privilege again.

**Author's Note:**

> heh, yeah. come yell at me on twt abt these two or haikyuu in general [here](https://twitter.com/kidfromthering?lang=en)  
> i'd love to know what you guys think!! comments are much appreciated <3


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